NVC

Table of contents 1 nonviolent communication / compassionate anarchism is . . . ?

1.1 Nonviolent communication skills

1.1 LIST OF UNIVERSAL NEEDS

1.1.1 CONNECTION
1.1.2 HONESTY
1.1.3 PLAY
1.1.4 PEACE
1.1.5 PHYSICAL WELL-BEING
1.1.6 MEANING
1.1.7 AUTONOMY

1.2 FEELINGS WHEN NEEDS ARE SATISFIED

1.2.1 AFFECTIONATE
1.2.2 CONFIDENT
1.2.3 ENGAGED
1.2.4 INSPIRED
1.2.5 EXCITED
1.2.6 EXHILARATED
1.2.7 GRATEFUL
1.2.8 HOPEFUL
1.2.9 JOYFUL
1.2.10 PEACEFUL
1.2.11 REFRESHED

1.3 FEELINGS WHEN NEEDS ARE NOT SATISFIED

1.3.1 AFRAID
1.3.2 ANNOYED
1.3.3 ANGRY
1.3.4 AVERSION
1.3.5 CONFUSED
1.3.6 DISCONNECTED
1.3.7 DISQUIET
1.3.8 EMBARRASSED
1.3.9 FATIGUE
1.3.10 PAIN
1.3.11 SAD
1.3.12 TENSE
1.3.13 VULNERABLE
1.3.14 YEARNING
1.3.15 Domination systems require:

nonviolent communication / compassionate anarchism is . . . ?

Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is sometimes referred to as compassionate communication. It�s purpose is to strengthen our ability to inspire compassion from others and to respond compassionately to others and to ourselves. NVC guides us to reframe how we express ourselves and hear others by focusing our consciousness on what we are observing, feeling, needing, and requesting.

Nonviolent communication skills

As the name implies, this approach to communication emphasizes compassion as the motivation for action rather than fear, guilt, shame, blame, coercion, threat or justification for punishment. In other words, it is about getting what you want for reasons you will not regret later. These techniques allow you to make conscious choices about how you will respond whether you get what you want, or not. It is definitely NOT about guilt and tricking people into giving you what you want.

The process of NVC encourages us to focus on what we and others are observing, how and why we are each feeling as we do, what our underlying needs are, and what each of us would like to have happen. These skills emphasize personal responsibility for our actions and the choices we make when we respond to others.

Nonviolent Communication assists you in dealing with major blocks to communication such as demands, diagnoses and blaming. You learn to express your feelings without attacking. This will help minimize the likelihood of facing defensive reactions in others. The skills help you make clear requests. They help you receive critical and hostile messages without taking them personally, giving in, or losing self-esteem. These skills are useful with your family, friends, students, subordinates, supervisors, co-workers and clients. These skills are even useful with your own internal dialogues.

LIST OF UNIVERSAL NEEDS

CONNECTION

acceptanceaffectionappreciationbelongingcooperationcommunicationclosenesscommunitycompanionshipcompassionconsiderationconsistencyempathyinclusionintimacylovemutualitynurturingrespect/self-respectsafetysecuritystabilitysupportto know and be knownto see and be seento understand and be understoodtrustwarmth

HONESTY

authenticityintegritypresence

PLAY

joyhumor

PEACE

beautycommunioneaseequalityharmonyinspirationorder

PHYSICAL WELL-BEING

airfoodmovement/exerciserest/sleepsexual expressionsafetysheltertouchwater

MEANING

awarenesscelebration of lifechallengeclaritycompetenceconsciousnesscontributioncreativitydiscoveryefficacyeffectivenessgrowthhopelearningmourningparticipationpurposeself-expressionstimulationto matterunderstanding

AUTONOMY

choicefreedomindependencespacespontaneity

FEELINGS WHEN NEEDS ARE SATISFIED

AFFECTIONATE

compassionatefriendlylovingopen heartedsympathetictenderwarm

CONFIDENT

empoweredopenproudsafesecure

ENGAGED

absorbedalertcuriousengrossedenchantedentrancedfascinatedinterestedintriguedinvolvedspellboundstimulated

INSPIRED

amazedawedwonder

EXCITED

amazedanimatedardentarousedastonisheddazzledeagerenergeticenthusiasticgiddyinvigoratedlivelypassionatesurprisedvibrant

EXHILARATED

blissfulecstaticelatedenthralledexuberantradiantrapturousthrilled

GRATEFUL

appreciativemovedthankfultouched

HOPEFUL

expectantencouragedoptimistic

JOYFUL

amuseddelightedgladhappyjubilantpleasedtickled

PEACEFUL

calmclear headedcomfortablecenteredcontentequanimousfulfilledmellowquietrelaxedrelievedsatisfiedserenestilltranquiltrusting

REFRESHED

enlivenedrejuvenatedrenewedrestedrestoredrevived

FEELINGS WHEN NEEDS ARE NOT SATISFIED

AFRAID

apprehensivedreadforebodingfrightenedmistrustfulpanickedpetrifiedscaredsuspiciousterrifiedwaryworried

ANNOYED

aggravateddismayeddisgruntleddispleasedexasperatedfrustratedimpatientirritatedirked

ANGRY

enragedfuriousincensedindignantiratelividoutragedresentful

AVERSION

animosityappalledcontemptdisgusteddislikehatehorrifiedhostilerepulsed

CONFUSED

ambivalentbaffledbewildereddazedhesitantlostmystifiedperplexedpuzzledtorn

DISCONNECTED

alienatedaloofapatheticboredcolddetacheddistantdistractedindifferentnumbremoveduninterestedwithdrawn

DISQUIET

agitatedalarmeddiscombobulateddisconcerteddisturbedperturbedrattledrestlessshockedstartledsurprisedtroubledturbulentturmoiluncomfortableuneasyunnervedunsettledupset

EMBARRASSED

ashamedchagrinedflusteredguiltymortifiedself-conscious

FATIGUE

beatburnt outdepletedexhaustedlethargiclistlesssleepytiredwearyworn out

PAIN

agonyanguishedbereaveddevastatedgriefheartbrokenhurtlonelymiserableregretfulremorseful

SAD

depresseddejecteddespairdespondentdisappointeddiscourageddisheartenedforlorngloomyheavy heartedhopelessmelancholyunhappywretched

TENSE

anxiouscrankydistresseddistraughtedgyfidgetyfrazzledirritablejitterynervousoverwhelmedrestlessstressed out

VULNERABLE

fragileguardedhelplessinsecureleeryreservedsensitiveshaky

YEARNING

enviousjealouslongingnostalgicpiningwistful

These lists of needs & feelings are neither exhaustive nor definitive. It is meant as a starting place to support anyone who wishes to engage in a process of deepening self-discovery and to facilitate greater understanding and connection between people.


Domination systems require:

1.Suppression of self

2.Moralistic judgments

3.Amtssprache (This expression was used by Nazi officials to describe a bureaucratic language that denies choice, with words like: �should,� �have to,� �ought.�)

4. The crucial concept of deserve

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Important NVC web-sites:

http://empathycollective.net

and

http://www.cnvc.org

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